PURPOSE OF SEX IN MARRIAGE
GEORGE MWANGI
Sexuality is an area that has so many hidden secrets that many people hardly know; with some not knowing how to start this interesting topic. Sexuality is one of the least discussed topics; with much remaining mum on this fundamental topic. Sexuality in human beings; was designed to be extremely good. This is a special gift of God in the way He intends it. When God created human beings, He made two “models” that is, male and female. Man and woman were created to enjoy sex in all spheres. The first marriage was between Adam and Eve. They enjoyed and felt good to know each other
Genesis 2:24-25 states “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, and they were not ashamed.” The two partners ought to learn to work together in marriage; showing love and respect to each other. Such an approach is in line with God’s principles of wives submitting to their husbands and husbands loving and honouring their wives (Ephesians 5:22-25, 1 Peter 3:1-7); establishing family guidelines and traditions in an atmosphere of love and respect; gives couples a foundation on which to build their families.
Sex was intended for marriage partners and not what we see today; even teenagers are involving themselves in irresponsible sexual behaviour. Marriage is for adults where a husband, should be joined to his wife and enjoy sexual intimacy with each other. The Biblical text is clear that a man should build this special, close relationship with his wife. Simple actions such as hugs, kisses and promises of love build and strengthen the bond which God intended for married partners.
When couples constantly work at building this relationship; they find it easier to agree on workable options in setting marriage challenges. Most people think that love is a magical, mysterious emotion that two people have; loving relationships must be nurtured. There require effort to make couples have a happy marriage. It is important to understand that love is a core consideration directed to another person; not just on only the emotion over which we have no control. Husbands and wives ought to be committed to their marriage vows for them to experience joy. This can be done through exhibiting Godly bonds by learning to listen, and talk about their differences or problems in humility and respect; Couples ought to strive hard to become one flesh; that is, enjoying an intimate sexual relationship with each other.
God intended sex to be part of a marriage relationship and that it should not take place outside marriage. It’s only in marriage state does God permits sexual relations (1Corinthians 6:9-10, ) –“ or do you not know, that unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not be deceived neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who nor men who practice homosexuality will inherit the kingdom of God.” (Hebrews 13:4-6) Let marriage be held in honour by all men, and let the marriage bed be undefiled for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. God wants sex to be an intimate experience that binds husband and wife. Engaging in multiple partners before marriage can lessen one’s ability to form that kind of close and lasting bond in marriage. Partners who involve themselves in extramarital affairs find it hard to build and maintain closeness in marriage.
The way to reverse the trend of broken marriages and safeguard one’s relationship is simple; accept and practice God’s instruction on sex to marriage; such an approach shows honour and respect for the sexuality that God has given us. Husband and wife should feel comfortable with each other’s masculinity or feminism but, revealing too much of one’s body to other members of the opposite sex outside of marriage invites the breaking of God’s commands against lust and unlawful sexual relation.
The foundation of any marriage should be based on love and submission and not lust; husbands ought to love their wives as their bodies; “He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Lord does to the church”. –Ephesians 5: 22-23. Wives ought to submit to their husbands as to the Lord; as the church submits to Christ so wives ought to submit to their husbands.” It’s important to understand that, marriage is a two-way traffic that is, wives, give submission while husbands give love.
When genuine love and respect prevail in a marriage, the husband and wife learn much from each other. Each brings strength into the relationship. For instance, wives mostly excel in relationship related needs; while husbands have a strong orientation toward problem-solving. Sex is one of God’s most wonderful gifts to mankind. It is a treasure for sustainable marriage and relational development. God is a master designer everything he creates became a mystery and a wonder. The mystery that is hidden in sex is incomprehensible. Sex is one of God’s divine ideas which in his wisdom gave to mankind for various reasons.
To begin with, God’s supreme purpose of sex was for procreation. When God told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply as recorded in Genesis 1:28 they probably thought that God wanted them to have sex, though this might be a correct presumption; in the real sense, God wanted them to develop intimacy with one another. God knew that sex would help them do that, in a way that nothing else could. God also knew that because sex is a powerful tool in creating intimacy; that there must be some constraints on how it was to be used; He thus relegated sex to the marriage arena.
In creating sex, God gave guideline which ought to be used to ensure that there is order in the marriage relationship. To begin with; God intended that sex would be for mature married and men and women. Genesis 2:24-25 “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh”. The man and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame.” God did not create sex for people who are not mature i.e. young youth or teenagers, but it was for full grown-up adults. It was not the plan of God for young people to engage in premarital sex; being in courtship does not warrant you to have sex. Exodus 20:14 states “Do not commit adultery, flee sexual immorality”. You must not have sex with someone who is not your spouse, because in so doing, you are committing sexual sin. The intent of God at creation was that marriage spouses will enjoy sex. Obedience to God requires sex to be reserved for one’s spouse, and not what we see where even married partners are lusting for other people’s wives or husbands!
Sex was also meant for people of the opposite sex; it was not in the plan for God for some sex marriage: the word of God is very clear that no one should engage in sexual intimacy with people of the same sex; this is an abomination in the eyes of God. Propagators of same-sex marriage have no place in the plan of God Leviticus 19:22- “you shall not lie with a male as with a woman such is an abomination”.
Sex outside marriage damage relations between people involved. It also causes damage in three notable areas i.e. physical consequences, spiritual consequences, and relational consequences. The physical result of sex outside marriage includes; sexually transmitted diseases such as syphilis, AIDS, gonorrhea etc. Single parenthood may be as a result of sex outside marriage; other vices such as abortion are evident as a result of pre-marital sex. Spiritual consequences include; spiritual death, that is people die spiritually their relationship with God dies people no longer relate well with God. People who involve themselves in pre-marital sex cannot relate well with their maker; sexual sin disconnects people from God.
The relational consequences are very evident; relational damage happens between people who are watching your life. The sin of adultery causes a person’s friends and outsiders to treat him/her as an outcast. Sex outside marriage, most of the time damage relations between people involved. There is no trust even when people are married; for instance, if the people involved are not spouses. If one spouse is accused of being unfaithful, the relationship and trust by their partner are no longer there; their marital intimacy is affected as a result of pre-marital sex. Being a divine thing; sex requires people to follow God’s set guidelines. Sex thus becomes enjoyable when it is confined to married spouses who are in love with each other, and not for people who are lusting for each other. The foundation of sexual intimacy is love and not lust.
The other purpose of sex is to bring love and intimacy between spouses. God wanted people to experience physical warmth and intimacy of the sexual act; One secret of sex is that it brings bond in spouses that is; spouses can connect emotionally, physically and spiritually; when spouses who love each other have sex; they become one emotionally that is, they enjoy the pleasure together; their bodies become one and their spirit become one. This is a mystery that no one can explain. Marriage is a real union of two people that truly results in a relationship bonding; a man and a woman to each other and their children, uniquely and physically.
Sex brings physical and emotional pleasure. People who love each other enjoy having sex they feel the pleasure that is accompanied by sexual arousal and orgasm. There is an immense pleasure when people come together to have sex. It is important to understand that sexual oneness within marriage was created by God; to serve as a foreshadowing of the spiritual oneness that would exist between Christ and the church.
In Ephesians (5:22-32.) We observe that when a man and a woman come together during sexual intimacy; in some mysterious ways they become one in their flesh. That is their body spirit and soul becomes one. Something profound occurs during sexual intercourse. Marriage is not simply a loyal union, a social, financial or familiar union, but rather a union of bodies; a sharing of physical life. It is through sex that spouses are joined together most deeply and wonderfully. So much in that, they are said to become one. This is why sexual intercourse is rightly said to consummate a marriage.
It was in the plan of God for spouses to meet the physical and emotional needs of each other. Paul states in 1 Corinthians 7: 3-5 “The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also her husband in the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourself to prayer; then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Humans are sexual beings and we do have sexual desires for each other sexually; indeed before marriage, controlling this strong desire is very important. But within marriage, that desire is to find satisfaction in sexual intercourse. When we refuse each other this privilege; we frustrate the expressed pattern that God has revealed. The rate of extramarital affairs would be minimal when spouses take sex seriously.
Sex thus becomes a unifying factor in any marriage; spouses who enjoy sex together are united in the soul and mind. Partners who were previously in conflict and were separate; when they have sexual intercourse; they can bond and tend to forget their differences. It is therefore right to say that sex unify marriage partners; this is through the joining of the body, soul and mind of each other. Partners who have differences and don’t have sexual intimacy are at great risk of separating and in severe cases divorcing. Sex has mystical glue that joins people together even when they are in a position that is very far apart.
The primary purpose of sex is to reinforce the marital bond; sexual desire is not evil but must be satisfied in the proper time, place and manner. Sex must not be used as a weapon against a spouse, either by depriving the spouse of sex; it’s a serious offence to use sex to punish or manipulate your spouse. It is vital to understand that men and women have different physiology; many couples fail to reflect on these differences and integrate them into an understanding of how to be successful partners. Sex starts in the mind, and when there is no change in the mind; there can be no manifestation.
Arousal is the second pattern in sex; according to recent research men are quickly aroused, and relatively quick to achieve orgasm. Their “spike” rises sharply and drops just as sharply. Men are especially aroused visually that is by what they see. Watching women in videos and books play a much bigger role in the sexual life of men; which is very different from women; that is men love with their eyes, while women love with their heart; on the contrary, women are aroused more slowly and after achieving orgasm; tend to remain a high plateau of arousal before dropping off. These differences should not be ignored but must be incorporated into love making process.
One way of doing this is for men to focus or pleasuring their wives; bringing them to an initial orgasm before focus is given to bringing man to orgasm. Men need to understand what will help their wives achieve orgasm. While clitoris stimulation is usually an okay component many women still “get off” on intercourse; especially if the angle is such that it also stimulates the clitoris or that clitoral stimulation is being done manually by either partner during intercourse.
It is important to understand the psychological implications of the different genital anatomies. For men, sexual intercourse is an external act. For a woman to have intercourse; means allowing a man to enter her body. That is a deeply personal act and men ought to appreciate this. Women require emotional intimacy and closeness to be actively sexual. Some women act as if sex is still a process of servicing men, and often deny that they are sexual beings who need to be serviced at least as much if not more. Women ought to have sex for themselves and not thinking that they are doing their husbands a favour.
Sex is a communion of two spouses where each participates and enjoys sexual intimacy. No spouse should view themselves as being better than others when it comes to sex. It is important to overcome emotional disconnection, and have sex with your spouse as frequently as possible. In so doing; both partners will be able to feel closer, and create a more intimate context in which to resolve other issues. Married spouses ought to activate their sexual life. Sex requires planning, and the way you plan for other activities; should be the way, you should program to be having sex; spouse ought to create time to have sex; this will minimize cases of extra marital affairs in marriages.
It is important to note that if you wait to have sex until one or both of you genuinely feel desire, you will wait too long. In marriage, there is often at least one person in the couple who won’t feel a natural desire to initiate sex. Push yourself to get started, even if you are just doing it for your partner’s pleasure. You cannot expect wild sex to happen on a regular Saturday night unless you put more effort. If you want more romance then become more romantic; if you want more sex, then initiate sex more often. Anyone in the marriage can initiate sex; most people think it is only a husband for instance who is supposed to initiate sex, even a wife can initiate sex this is because sex is not one person’s main duty but both parties ought to be involved. Push yourself to get started.
Much emphasis need to be put that sex is meant between man and woman, same sex is not in line with the plan and purpose of God at creation.
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