HOW TO ENJOY A HAPPY MARRIAGE

      PART ONE                                     George Mwangi 

Marriage being a mutual agreement between a man and woman to form a family requires mutual agreement to make it work. Many people enter into marriage with no specific knowledge, training or guidelines on how to run a marriage. Couples are left to maneuver and look for ways to make their marriage work. There is no formal or informal training about how to make a happy marriage. The only thing that some couples get is some few counseling sessions prior to marriage, but what is that compared to whole life commitment that couple will have? .It is important to understand that, marriage is built on some very fundamental pillars. Love is a notable pillar that ought to be evident in any marriage. Love is the driving force that keeps any marriage on the move. No marriage can stand where there is no love. It is because of the love that couples have for each other, that makes their marriage work. Couples who love each other unconditionally stay put in their marriage. In marriages where love is lost, things fall apart. How then can love be cultivated in a marriage? One may ask. Love in marriage includes caring and nurturing for each other, carrying each other’s burden, appreciating the strength of each other supporting each other and accommodating each other’s weaknesses. Couples who find it hard to deal with their partner’s weaknesses find it hard to stick together. Many marriages fail because partners ignore the importance of love in their marriage. What is love? Why is it important in any marriage? , who is supposed to show love? , many might be asking. Love is the affectionate feelings that people have towards each other; there are some notable aspects that are evident in love; to begin with love is patient and kind, love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude, love does not insist on its own; it’s not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices on right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things, love is respectful and submissive and love never ends. When some of the mentioned aspects miss in any marriage, then success in marriage becomes a hard thing to achieve. Partners have the duty to ensure that the above mentioned features are implemented in their marriage. There is a common belief by some people that it’s men who should show love, so that women can obey. I beg to differ because two people who don’t love each other cannot live together. Couples live together because they love each other. Where you see couples fighting, then know that love is lost. When couples feel that the love for each other is coming to an end, then that’s the time to start loving each other again. What are some of the things that make couples feel as if love has come to an end one might be asking? Unresolved conflict is number one thing that makes couples feel as if love has come to an end. Continuous conflict, external forces i.e. in laws; lack of finances, unfaithfulness, higher expectations etc, can make partners feel as if love has come to an end. Wives are supposed to show love to their husbands and vice versa. Love is an important ingredient in marriage because it acts like glue that sticks two love birds together. Love is a unifying factor in any marriage; division is evident in marriages where there is no love between couples. Love promotes peace among couples, where there is no love, tension become evident; there is no peace where there is no love. Every partner is supposed to demonstrate love in marriage. Love is a give and take thing. When you give love you receive the same .You can’t receive what you don’t give. Man ought to love his wife and vice versa. No marriage can stand where love is long lost. Sacrifice is a vital aspect that is evident in a marriage; couples who are not prepared to offer their lives for the sake of their marriage cannot go far in the same. Sacrifice entails being prepared to die for the sake of your marriage. There are many things in marriage that requires people to sacrifice. Couples who sacrifice for the sake of their marriage stick together. Commitment is another vital foundation for a happy marriage. Like in any other institution, marriage requires commitment. Couples who are committed to make their marriage work enjoy a happy marriage. Commitment entails working hard to make your marriage work. Couples who are committed to their marriage strive hard to build a stable marriage. Commitment entails being consistence in what you do. Respect is a very important foundation in any marriage. Couples who do not demonstrate respect to each other find it hard to enjoy a happy marriage. Respect entails being kind and courteous to your partner, allowing your partner to express his /her view, not undermining or underrating them, not despising them. Appreciating each other’s opinion is a notable way of demonstrating respect among couples. Knowledge is a vital foundation in any marriage. Knowledge of each other is very key for any marriage to stand. Many couples live together yet they don’t know each other. Understanding your spouse if very important in any marriage, this is because it will help you to live in harmony; and you will be able to handle conflict in your marriage. Couples who don’t know each other, are suspicious of each other, are insecure and don’t trust each other. Knowledge of your spouse is essential for stability of your marriage. Couples ought to understand to live with each other if they desire to enjoy a happy marriage. Wisdom is another vital ingredient that is required for any marriage to stand. Wisdom is the application of knowledge. Marriage requires a lot of wisdom from both partners for it to stand. Couples who apply wisdom in their marriage, enjoys a happy marriage. Wisdom in marriage is applied when couples think twice before they speak or take any step pertaining to challenges in their marriage. Many marriages fail because couples don’t apply wisdom in their marriage. Wisdom entails weighing the pros and cons of any action that couples intend to take in their marriage. Wisdom also entails doing things that will make your marriage stand. Wisdom involves learning to live with each other, knowing how to handle conflict in your marriage, learning how to overcome challenges, and dealing with pressure in your marriage. It is important to understand that every marriage has its own challenges; the key thing is knowing how to tackle these challenges as they come. Marriage is a bed of roses that has both good and bad sides. Submission is another vital pillar in marriage; submission entails being loyal to your marriage partner, obeying the basic rules in your marriage, understanding and keeping your boundaries. When partners are puffed up, nothing much can be achieved in their marriage. Partners ought to submit to each other. Like respect submission is like a two way traffic; it’s a give and take policy that is, you receive what you give. There is a school of thought that state that it is wives who are supposed to submit to their Husbands; I beg to differ because couples are required to submit to each other. Submission entails knowing and keeping your lane in your marriage. When couples submit to each other they are able to work with together, this is because they view each other as equal partners, that is, no one is superior.