OVERCOMING  BITTERNESS

                                                                   GEORGE  MWANGI

 Bitterness is an emotional condition where people feel angry because of bad things that happen to them currently or in the past. It causes people to have intense anger even in minor annoyances from their family or friends. Notable signs of bitterness include being irritated by small mistakes done to you, or always being judgmental. Bitter people are angry and unhappy because they cannot forget bad things that are happening currently or happened to them in the past; bitter people are provoked easily. Bitter people are always complaining and are never contented; they see mistakes in almost everything. Bitterness cause people to hold grudges; bitter people are not forgiving; they find it hard to let go; they can remember something bad done to them ten or twenty years; as if it happened yesterday.

   Bitter people are always complaining, no one can make them happy. They want to complain to you about what someone said to them, something that happened to them or just the state of the world in general and how it affects them negatively. In their minds, their co-worker isn't doing their jobs well, their kids aren't working hard enough at school, and clerks at the store aren't competent, their pastor is not preaching well, their spouses are not doing their best. Irritation and annoyance is the order of the day for a bitter person. Bitter people are very jealous, they don't celebrate the success of others; they are filled with intense jealousy when they see others excelling in life; Bitter people are even jealous of their spouse; they are insecure of their marriage partner, they see as if their spouse will leave them for a better suitor. Bitter people like to seek attention, they want to tell every person the bad experiences they are facing in life, they are never silent; they want to tell everyone that they have been hurt by someone thus they need sympathy; they want sympathy and reassurance that what they're feeling is justified. Bitter people are very defensive and don't like to be corrected. One sign of a bitter person is being defensive when being corrected. They see correction as a direct attack on them.

Bitter people have a negative attitude towards others; they always complain that they don't like certain people or things, to them, nothing is good; they like to poke holes in every idea. Bitter people love to spread rumours they've heard about things that other people have done wrong. They like to spread gossip against others; they are keen to know what is happening in their immediate neighborhood or co-worker so that they can spread rumours; they are professional rumour mongers. Bitter people are rude and abusive they use this as a way of releasing their bitterness. Bitter individuals often operate from a blaming and non-empathic perspective. In their personal and professional relationships, bitter men and women often blame others when things go wrong or when things do not work out as they wanted or expected.

Bitter people feel cheated by life. Even if they have a great experience, they won't express gratitude. A bitter person blames others for their circumstances rather than accepting responsibility. They'll complain about people at work, their families and people at stores. What causes bitterness? one may ask; the major driving force of bitterness include insecurity, disgust, sadness, anger, fear, complaints, jealousy, revenge, resentment, lack of contentment etc. 

Past failure is a notable cause of bitterness, this can be a small thing like failing in an exam or a relationship; student who fails in their final exam can be bitter and start to blame themselves and others as a result of their failure; Couples in a failed marriage can be bitter to themselves, and their spouse blaming themselves and their partners. Politicians who were not elected in an election can be bitter after losing contested elections. Children who were oppressed when young can suffer from bitterness; also children who experienced sexual molestation may suffer from bitterness.

Bitter people blame God for allowing them to suffer; they see God as being the cause of their suffering. People who are sacked from their jobs can be very bitter. A failed business can make people bitter; they blame themselves for not working hard in their business. Prolonged or terminal illness can make people bitter; many people in these conditions are always complaining that they are not being treated well; they say that they wish they are well to perform a different task that in their view is not being done well; others wish to die instead of their continued suffering.

People suffering from rejection most often suffer from bitterness. People who are rejected in a relationship can become bitter; rejection at the place of work or in the family can make people bitter. Delays in doing certain things in life can cause bitterness; for instance, people who have passed marriage age and are not yet married can be bitter that life is not fair. This is seen when they see their age mates having their own families, and having their children. People who compare themselves with others can become bitter; when they see their friends excelling in their career or business leaving them behind. The loss of a loved one can make a person bitter, they see that they have been done wrong by nature by allowing their loved ones to die; in their view, they say they are being punished that's why their loved one died.

  Some notable effects are evident in people who suffer from bitterness; to begin with, bitter people find it hard to forgive; they never let go they hold grudges a thing that makes them be always in conflict with their relatives, close friends, fellow workers etc. People who refuse to forgive result in physical fatigue and loss of sleep; in their mind, they are preoccupied with the wrong things done to them a thing that makes them lack sleep. There are some illnesses which are caused by bitterness diseases like ulcerative colitis, toxic goitres, high blood pressure is only a few of the scores of diseases caused by bitterness.

Bitterness has a direct and devastating effect on our bones; it has been noted that many people who are always bitter have often complained about back and joint pains. The result of bitterness is stress and depression. Bitterness can hurt a marriage relationship; couples who are driven by bitterness cannot live together; this is as a result of constant conflict as a result of one partner being bitter and refusing to let go; living with a bitter person is like living with a wounded soldier, who is constantly in pain as a result of the injury. Bitter people are difficult to deal with and most often have a negative attitude a thing that hinders progress; people who are always bitter are retrogressive. They hinder the growth of a relationship.

 Bitterness can bring loneliness to the affected people; because many people avoid people who are always bitter. Bitter people are known to hold grudges something that can be detrimental to their health. Bitter people rob themselves of the intended joy and happiness; this creates room for diseases like blood pressure, stress, depression etc. Insecurity is a very notable effect of bitterness; people live in fear that what happened to them in the past might happen to them again.

Below are ways that can help people to overcome bitterness; to begin with, people ought to train themselves to forgive; people who carry the baggage of past pain find it hard to overcome bitterness. People ought to learn to take personal responsibility, this will help them to avoid the blame game; when you take personal responsibility, you'll be able to move on despite the challenges that you're facing, thus you will not blame others. To overcome bitterness you ought to have a positive attitude; people who are filled with negativity find it hard to come out of bitterness.

People ought to learn to forgive themselves; this is the first step in overcoming bitterness. People ought to learn to tolerate others; you ought to understand that we are living with people who are prone to make mistakes; thus we need to learn to live well with them. Determine to change because if you won't change, no one will change on your behalf. You need to learn to improve yourself by learning how to live with people, without holding grudges; understand that no one is perfect. People ought to forget wrong things done to them. You cannot continue to draw battle lines forever, you ought to learn to accommodate others; this is because when you are on earth, you will be hurt by your close friends and relatives, your spouse, your children, your workmates; you also hurt others with your bitterness and cannot expect them to treat you the way you are treating them.  

You cannot carry the baggage of all these people forever you must let go of offences, bad feelings, past pain, annoyances, past rejection etc. Choose to forget about the people who hurt you. Set goals for yourself and concentrate on achieving them. Being an emotional and medical condition; people suffering from bitterness ought to seek medical health; it is good to seek medical health because when bitterness is allowed to grow it can develop into stress leading to depression which can result in psychiatric disorders.

• #Pass mark educators.